Friday, October 2, 2009

Day 49 - October 2, 2009

As I lay on the couch, I hear the continuous whir of our desktop computer. The sound is so familiar that, most days, it just fades into the background and goes unnoticed. Now as I lay hear thinking about it, I cannot get the sound out of my head. The phone rings and I rise to answer it. It is my mother calling to give me my grandmother’s test results. I have been anticipating this call and have imagined every possible scenario in my head for the past few days. I brace myself for the worst. I hear of the dreadful disease. I think of my grandmother and how she must be feeling. I am reassured that she is in good spirits and I thank God for that. I think of something my grandfather said, many years ago, when he found out he had prostate cancer. “I am going to die,” he said, “but the cancer is NOT going to kill me.” I am so thankful that my grandma can lean on him and that his story can be a source of strength for both of them. I turn to my Bible and read Psalm 18:32. “It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.” I pray that God will arm us with the strength to support grandma in any way she desires as she faces surgery in the coming weeks.

To be honest, as I process the news, I selfishly think about whether or not this disease will affect my mother, my sister, or even me. Will my grandchildren, one day, pray for strength as I, too face this battle? I remind myself of God’s perfect plan for our lives but sometimes knowing this just doesn’t feel like enough. I listen, again, to the whir of the computer and ask God for the strength to face the unknown.

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